Monkey Diaries Archive

There is a sound coursing beneath my skin. It's runs along the length of my body, dancing like electric waves, peeling off from my fingertips out into the ether. I am alone but surrounded by the things that make me comfortable. I am not afraid. This is a place where I can actually feel. The numbing effects of my experiences have no sway over this domain. Only here can I feel. Only now can I sense. Only now can I draw breath. I don't know how to take in the information that is being delivered to me. Every cell screams for me to walk away, I can't slow down. What do I do to ignore them? Do I follow the path of least resistance as I do so often or dare to stray? Do I hide behind the veil of my pride? And give in to the twisted thoughts that are both sad and maddening? Do I face my fears of abandonment and rejection or do I try to catch them before they can hold me down? Do I trust someone or do I trust no one and live in complete loneliness? Right now, I'm stretched so thin that even if I make the right moves I'm lost. The facade is breaking down but then, in the end, does it even matter? Will I just end up getting hurt again?