Monkey Diaries Archive

I'm a relatively simple person. Most people who are part of my life (and some who have since disappeared from said same) might disagree with that statement, which is a bit disconcerting. In fact, it's down right infuriating. For better or worse, I'm very black and white. I say what I mean and rarely, if ever, hide meanings or vague messages in what I say. If I say, "you look good in those pants," that is not a passive-aggressive way of saying, "You're getting fat!" If you can hear me say (or read the words I write) and take anything away other than the original intent, that isn't me... That's YOU! In my experience, people tend to shun responsibility for the way they feel. They would rather blame someone else for "making them" feel a certain way because the idea that someone else controls their emotions is a lot easier to digest than, say, digging into their own psyche and realizing that they have projected certain perceptions (real or imagined) about themselves onto a completely innocent person. Over the last few days I've experienced situations in which people have taken words I've spoken, with nothing intrinsically evil about them, into places I would never have thought they could go. I kills me because the people who should understand me, women who I've developed intimate relationships with, should never take this road. Today, I had to make a hard decision about ending a friendship that is truly important to me. I've weighed the options, taken recent and past events into account, and dissected the cost-to-benefit ratio and unfortunately, I'm on the losing end of the math. I'm sorrier today than I've ever been in my life but for my own well-being (and that of a certain person who sometimes reads these missives) I have to move on. Good luck and good-bye.