Monkey Diaries Archive

I saw the new Johnny Depp flick on Friday. Now, I thought it was supposed to be a movie about the rise and fall of a cocaine kingpin, consequently, the name BLOW. In actuality, the name is just a quick review. While I liked Johnny Depp, the chick from Run Lola Run (who should have just run her ass right out of that contract!), and The Chubby Rubber AKA Paul Ruebens (who did an amazing job as a homosexual, hairdressing, Malibu Beach drug dealer), the rest of the movie just BLOWS. As for Penelope Cruz...hmmm...audiences would have been better served if she had just run around naked and kept her thick charo accent from ruining the movie. If you read my blog often, you will recall the last person who reminded me of charo was my mother which is not a good thing at all...after watching the otherwise enticing Ms. Cruz run roughshod through two hours of bad acting, bad hair and bad clothing, I will not be able to watch a film with her in it because I will be forced to think of my mother in the 70s. Now, it might be difficult to avoid Penelope Cruz for the remainder of 2001. Based on the list of future feature film releases, it seems that Ms. Cruz is listed in 90 of the 100 films scheduled to appear in theaters between now and January. She is threatening to become the Michael Caine of the 00s...please shoot me now. Bottomline? I say save yourself $9 and wait for the broadway musical which I am currently writing...it will be titled, BLOW ME.

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