Monkey Diaries Archive

I'm beginning to think that Hollywood is a man's worst enemy. And I don't mean "man" in the collective sense but specifically in the gender sense. Hollywood makes it nearly impossible to have a relationship with any woman who isn't blind, deaf or dumb. Since about 1923, when Hollywood began making an effort to create films that appeal to the economically powerful 13-48 female demographic, any hope a man may have had of having a rational relationship with a woman, ended. From Rudolph Valentino in The Sheik through Josh Lucas in Sweet Home Alabama, Hollywood has created an image of romance that may not be orthodox... it may not be all wine and roses... but it's smells like a fairy tale. I'll admit that I'm the last guy in the world that should be waxing poetic on the topic of love and romance. I've made some mistakes. I've taken lumps as well as dished them out but one thing I know to be true above all else is this: Love isn't a fairy tale. I hate to break it to you ladies, but you don't have a fairy godmother watching out for you, there is no such thing as a knight in shining armor, and most importantly, everything won't work out in the end. Most of the films fall into a pattern. A girl meets a guy (Working Girl, About Last Night, Kate & Leopold, Sweet November). Girl discovers guy is married/divorced/damaged (Step Mom, Pretty Woman, Runaway Bride/Till There Was You) goods but makes the decision to take said project man and live happily ever after. Girl makes mistake (28 Days/Kate & Leopold/Truth About Cats & Dogs/Working Girl) or boy makes mistake (Pretty Woman/What Women Want/Officer & A Gentleman/When Harry Met Sally) and relationship seems doomed. Girl makes changes/guy makes changes and they live happily ever after until she realizes she was actually in love with her best male friend/boyfriends brother/the dorky guy (My Best Friends Wedding/While You Were Sleeping/Love Potion #9) offscreen. How can anyone be entertained by this? And people constantly bag on ME for enjoying Bruce Willis movies? Ok. There are great things that happen every day in every relationship. My girlfriend buys me flowers, sends me cards and showers me with kisses often. I love that she does these things but the truth is, what really makes me fall in love with her over and over again is by the little things she does. The way she leans into me as we're watching TV. The way she cleans up when I make dinner for us. Her soul shattering hugs. To me that's romance! Of course, that may be why my GF calls me the most unromantic person to ever grace god's green earth. When most women watch these romantic films, they'll look over at their significant others and wonder why they don't cross country to vow their love for them (Bubble Boy) or why they don't shower them with gifts (Pretty Woman) or why they don't desert from the army for them (Captain Correlli's Mandolin)... er, ok that last one is a stretch but there is a nugget of truth in there some where. Women want what they're shown. From childhood, women are taught to expect romance, seek it out, capture it like a prize. For some women it becomes an unhealthy obsession, constantly changing partners in search of that fairy tale love that just simply doesn't exist and all because they watched a romantic film. Okay, yeah, I'm just pushing buttons for the sake of pushing them. It's what makes me charming after all. But do the love in your life a favor. Don't judge him/her by what you see around you or worse, by what you see on TV and in the movies. Judge them strictly by how they treat you and by the look in their eyes when you're alone. Romance, after all, is really a private thing.