Monkey Diaries Archive

My greatest fear was (and like any addict, still is) abandonment. I don't react well when faced with a situation in which I can be abandoned. Relationships are always fraught with that kind of risk. Consequently, I've not taken that risk often and when I have, I usually fuck it up with my inability to let people into my heart. Let's face facts, you can't destroy what you can't access. But, I am in search of enlightenment, trying to prevent from repeating the pain I have caused too many times to count to the one person I never wanted to hurt. Since she's reading lately, I'll just say that not a second has gone by from the moment we met that I don't think of you. That is as true today, as it was three months ago and as true as it was that morning in May that I woke up next to you for the first time. Looking into your closed eyes, lashes fluttering as you dreamed of soft kisses from someone who could be the best thing that ever stumbled into your life just as easily as he could be the worst. Life is hard. Loving is harder still. I'm learning though and hopefully it isn't too late to teach this old dog new tricks. Be well, be safe and above all, be happy.