Monkey Diaries Archive

The Return of the Black Knight My girlfriend and I have discussed many things in the last few months of dating. Often times these discussions, while touching upon such serious subjects as religion, politics and relationships, are rather interesting from a pure entertainment perspective. I’ll admit that I’ve become that old dog that can’t be taught new tricks and it sometimes causes the people around me some level of duress. But let’s face facts. I’m old. No matter what you’ve seen or done, I’ve probably seen and done it a few times over with varying degrees of success. If failure is considered a learning tool, I’m sure I’ve already attained a PhD in life. That said, I don’t say things out of my ass. If I comment on it, it’s probably because I can offer some insight into the situation. If I say, hey, don’t stick a fork into a light socket!” it’s because I’ve done it before… (Age 6). If I tell you that people don’t really change, it’s because I’ve lived long enough to see people claim to change only to watch them repeat the same mistakes over and over again (age 6-37). No, I’m not saying I know everything, but I damn well know more than you. I’m no genius but I do know myself quite well. The trick to dealing with me is pretty simple. Challenge me at will but be ready for the can of worms (aka whup ass) it will open if you’ve not thought out your argument. Oftentimes if I’m dealing with someone, usually of a lower intellect, there is a scene that plays over and over in my mind as I’m participating in any given discussion in which someone disagrees with me. Have you ever watch Monty Python’s Holy Grail? There’s a scene in which the knights come upon the Black Knight who won’t let the group pass unless they can best him in mortal combat. The Black Knight subsequently loses every appendage until only his head is left. That’s usually how I argue. I cut people’s arguments down until all that’s left is the understanding that they speak ass… in other words, they’ve been talking out of their own ass for quite some time.