Monkey Diaries Archive

I am the last man standing Next weekend my younger brother get's married. He's five years younger than I am and he has a son who is 5-years-old. My older brother got married when he was 19, had two kids in quick succession. My highschool friends are married. My college friends are married. Random people whom I've met, who were single when I met them, are married. Like a flaming virus that has engulfed the world around me, marriage rears its virulent medusa's head, to claim yet another hapless loser in its inescapable jaws. Poor guy... While I'd like to grab him by his satiny lapels and scream, "Run! Run you unlucky bastard, run!" I just can't. Mostly cause the girl he's marrying is perfect for him. There was a time when I would have loved to be the deer-eyed slab of meat standing in front of the runaway train that is matrimony... no longer. I know that if my GF reads this (look away honey, look away!), she'll get mad at me but I don't know that marriage is as much a commitment as it is a reason to be committed... in an insane asylum. The fairy tale goes like this... you wake up one day and the skies part and the sun shines upon the visage you'll wake up to for the rest of your life. You hold hands, kiss, fondle each other until you should seek some legal claim over one another. You make it official in front of god and everybody and start your life TOGETHER and live happily ever, after. Only... well... that's a fucking fairytale! In the real world, for most people that I have met it goes more like this... You meet, you become friends, you become lovers, you get married, you stop being lovers, you stop being friends, you each make friends with a lawyer, the lawyers split up your assets equally (30-40-30: you get thirty percent, your ex gets 40 percent, the lawyers split 30 percent) and the lawyers live happily ever after. Where is the romance in that scenario? Yes, I am just a scared little fat man... Good luck to my bro though... I have a couch and an extra room should you need it!