Monkey Diaries Archive

There are horrors beyond imagination, dancing in the minds of children. As adults we forget that the world is a scary place that defies description or categorization. It's even worse when the very people who should care for you, don't. When I was little, I didn't get along with either of my brothers, consequently they spent their waking hours figuring out interesting ways to ostracize me from everyday interaction. They were a gang of two and I was my own best friend, which isn't bad because it made me a fiercely independent person. Yet, I think back on my childhood and I can only find a handful of moments in which I was truly happy... unafraid and without the supplemental anger that hid the pain from being manipulated by my mom and my two brothers... It wasn't until I was much older, in my teens, that I realized that I had any power whatsoever. I think of these things now after taking a walk during lunch and seeing three kids pick on a fourth. The hate I saw in the young boy's eyes was familiar and quite unnerving... It's only when I lose myself by Depeche Mode It's only when I lose myself in someone else That I find myself I find myself Something beautiful is happening inside for me Something sensual, it's full of fire and mystery I feel hypnotised I feel paralysed I have found heaven There's a thousand reasons Why I shouldn't spend my time with you For every reason not to be here I can think of two To keep me hanging on Feeling nothing's wrong Inside your heaven It's only when I lose myself in someone else That I find myself I find myself I can feel the emptiness inside me Fade and disappear There's a feeling of contentment Now that you are here I feel satisfied I belong inside Your velvet heaven Did I need to sell my soul for pleasure like this Did I have to lose control to treasure your kiss Did I need to place my heart in the palm of your hand Before I could even start to understand It's only when I lose myself in someone else That I find myself I find myself